How it all began

I found I was in an old people's home, feeling really disorientated.  I wondered how I got there?  I was too damn young  for this....was it my ingrates of a family? had they seen fit to put me here? 

The nurse said I'd been a coma for some time and that's why I got bedsores.  I told her I didn't even like Perry Como but she didn't seem to hear me. I asked why the workmen had been allowed to leave their tools in my bed?.... and she just laughed.

I bumped into batty Betty going to play bingo in the day lounge, I confessed I was feeling a little incontinent, and she asked where I was going.  I answered to the loo and she said well I hope the weather is better there than in the UK. 

I felt kinda giddy after going to the loo, must have been the cocktail of tablets the pretty nurse gave to me whilst she was snogging her boyfriend.

I sold the rest of my drugs to the porter boyfriend and made a telephone call with the money.

Calling my best friend Chris, he answered "Who"  once I got him to understand we hatched an escape plan....It was decided the best way do that was on the meat waggon, that was what the other residents called the trolley they removed the expired with.  With Chris's help and a bribe to the porter we convinced the young trainee that I was truly dead and whisked me away to the unmarked van. He dropped off in the park and we walked back to Chris's apartment, mind you I did look silly in wet pyjamas, I could have caught my death!